When I became a mother, I received lots of best wishes from my loved ones wishing me Happy Motherhood. And, I personally still wonder whether I have actually realized what the motherhood truely is, till date.
Motherhood is a underrated term , is what I feel. One can not say or write enough about it. One can not feel enough of it. One generation can not experience the true motherhood. One word is not enough to give it a name.
To start from the begining, my pregnancy was a happier one. Not a single day I puked.I had treamendous fatigue all throughout this period.But medically all other symptoms were good.My blood sugar level was all time low, so was the BP, neither was I overweight nor underweight. I enjoyed all my favorite foods till end,in small proportion . I missed my office as mostly I worked from home,I missed my trips , missed movie dates in theaters, food fests, get together, festivals in my native..
That time, a baby was growing rapidly and steadily but honestly the only feeling I had about him was a sense of protection, all time thinking about how not to harm him through any of my actions.
Like all novice mother, I too thought this is that eternal feeling ,known as “Motherhood”. But I was so WRONG.
Then I waited for 40 weeks, the much anticipated labor pain didn't come. My doctor prescribed to get admitted, after much trial of inducing the pain the medical team went for caesarian delivery.
It's a very common notion in our society that normal delivery has its own glory considering the unimaginable pain involved while giving birth. But trust me, caesarian has its own story of post operative wound, unbearable pain of stitches, elongated healing time, side effects and life long scars.
I was awake on the table, surrounded by so many machines and lights. Quite a theater it was, cold and illusive. Finally when the anaesthetic pushed the epidural into my spinal cord, slowly the partial anastasia started its action and doctors concentrated on my numb body. I could barely see anything except their serious faces and I smiled back to my husband, who was sitting near my head, wearing the blue gown like the others present in that theater.
I was whispering a prayer song, when I felt a sudden jerk , like the one as if my weightless body was thrown into free air. A few seconds later I heard THAT CRY. I barely could see anything, as the nurses were in the other corner, so imagined whatever I have seen OT scenes in Hindi movies might be happening around that corner . ‘Here you go Satarupa, this is your baby, you carried it for 10 months and it will belong to you forever. .’ . After few minutes the baby was shown to his father, and I was waiting and waiting to see him for once. I didn't know it was a boy or girl, a thousand thoughts were rushing in my brain- whether the baby is healthy, is he able to breath, what if he has any birth defects ...and I felt so exhausted , those couple of minutes were never ending. Tears rolled down my cheeks ,I saw him, nurse touched his head to my chin and I asked myself - Do they call this feeling “ Motherhood” ?
And I was so WRONG!
I remember the second day in my cabin, I was alone in my room having dinner as I sent my husband out for dinner in cafeteria. The baby started crying incessantly and nurses were away. Caesarian section cuts seven layers of muscle beneath one’s skin . I was barely able to sit up on my own due to post operative pain. But the cradle was four feet away from my bed. I still remember that evening, I would not have got up and walked to the cradle for anything else in the world, but for him. As he slept in my arms, I DOUBTED what I know about Motherhood !
All mothers in this universe spend immense energy to bring up kids. It starts from sacrificing night’s sleep, being alert all the time to monitor when baby is hungry/ thirsty/ peeing/ in need of nappy change/ napping/ gaining weight/ eating properly/ burping properly/ feeling cold or hot/ nagging without reason.. And all these tasks are considered to be too easy to handle. It's a mammoth thing to manage as the tasks come in endless cycles and mothers are doing these ever since humanity arrived on this planet .
After the baby arrives, generally the point of attention drastically shifts to the baby.
After I brought my baby home, I felt I had a rebirth. My routine changed completely. Not to mention the sleepless days, I barely could have time to read newspaper, listen to songs , energy to sit in front of television or even sip the morning cuppa quietly. I remember watching Margarita with a Straw in four days , in bits and pieces on my phone after one month ! The word relaxation literally vanishes when new mothers need it most!
In those tough days whenever I felt depressed, I used to wonder is this Motherhood! Hell NO.
The doctor smiled when I said my baby don't sleep, said 'is this your first time? Girl, keep your mind open and enjoy the motherhood.' with a wink.
Then one morning, Anish, my son, first time looked at me and broadly smiled with his toothless gum out. And kept on laughing for few seconds. I could not help my tears..and he couldn't help smiling broader.
Nowadays I am a Radio Jockey to my son, chattering endlessly and meaninglessly whole day. I chatter while he gets fed, he plays, I change his nappies, while he burps and until he falls asleep. When I get tired of my talking, he starts his. He likes to converse and we both do, in our own languages.
May be this is Motherhood...who knows!
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