My baby,
Your little toes which have been kicking me off late day and
night, tiny palms tickling underneath when I try to sleep, sleepy eyes that I
am dying to see in every sonography scan, naughty punches that hide your nose in kung-fu
style in the scan images – now that it’s 3 days left before I will be able to
see you, I thought of writing you this letter. May be when you will be able to
read and understand stuffs, you will find this letter archived here.
My darkened skin, messy
eyebrows, plus size dresses, tired and sleepy eyes, aching back and limbs, body’s shifted center of gravity , restless
nights- your mother is definitely not looking the most beautiful mother in the
world, and not the fittest.
But I know all these will disappear with a soft touch of
your magic wand when you will see me. After waiting for 40 weeks, I have
stopped envisioning how will be that moment. How’d I feel. It’s
just some unpredictable unknown emotions which better to be left for the moment
to come.
It’s been magnificent journey having you there with me for last 280
days, and I want to share with you so many things which I would never have learned in life unless you would come.
- · Fear of change is good
Fear is always there for the things we don’t know or
we don’t dare to know.
An year back I used to feel the hardest thing would be
changing my free-spirited life into the one, where I need to care more for another
human life than myself. And when I conceived this transformation and you, I was
fearing these 10 months were going to be toughest and longest one, without my ‘me-times’
: frequent trip planning, my camera, a span without the word ‘career/
growth/goals’, without eatery excursions in the city, without outings and adventures
– because my little adventure was sitting there waiting to grow up.
Extreme exhaustion, loss of free mobility, managing office and home, then it was followed
by putting on weight , tiring my and
shoulder, crampy limbs spoiling goodnight sleep, shortness of breath and
pouncing heartbeats as I became heavier and heavier. But I still wonder how I have
gained strength of coping all these automatically – as if I have been blessed
continuously from a unseen source of energy or it was you who got me going
round the clock. The things I feared the most, made me live in with them slowly
and steadily.
Then after these 10 long months I feel the hardest part is waiting there inside the
delivery room.
You see what I feared was all about exploring an
unknown chapter. And the greatest strength which helped me experience them with
strength is nothing but Love.
- · The greatest strength is unconditional Love and Faith in Almighty .
Love of a mother for her baby since the time
it was a tiniest cell inside her womb yet
to get a human formation and now a cuddling baby communicating through placenta , endless love of a man for his heavy-weight wife who can barely get up from bed on her own and definitely looking tired round the clock , love of a family for a new member
who is yet to arrive but already a family, love of the kind Almighty only on whom you can have faith to guide
you along.
A mother, who never traveled alone even out of her city,
has traveled alone almost 3000 kilometer just to be by my side whenever I needed
her the most – leaving your aging grandfather and my ailing 90 years old grandmother and her all household heavy duties back at home.
Your father, who has juggled between office and home, has
come home early every evening to accompany me for prescribed evening walk, has helped me
now and then picking up things from the floor when I could not bend down
anymore, letting me sleep till late every morning so that we both can get
uninterrupted sleep.
And in the darkest hour, I have closed my eyes and prayed to
the God, to keep us steady, strong and healthy.
Their unconditional love have kept both of us tough and steady.
- · It’s because of you I started caring myself .
I really do not
remember when did I take care of myself before. And surely I would have never
cared about my well-being if it was not for you. Pampering myself with good 9
hour of sleep, good food, natural ingredients, good reads and peace of mind - distancing
from negativity around. Tiny you have already taught me to be self – content, with whatever
I have, because they are the best thing which I could have in this life. And choosing
between what to listen - what to avoid, to love myself first to be able to love
the entire family, to be more flexible and adjusting when life offers bumpy rides, to be more kind and caring for
the people who really matters .
Who says one should
only believe on whichever is seen.
You are the most wonderful unseen thing I have ‘seen’ and felt
in my life, with the strongest message of your existence ever since you have let me become a part of yours,and you as mine.
Waiting to see you
Love,
maa
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