When I Earned A Few Saplings While Sowing A Seed

1 year 8 months ...

The clock is running ' hickory dikory dok'...

And the count is adding one more second to this particular lifespan.That lifespan, when I am Unemployed.

Few hour more….before I start my second innings tomorrow.

I am perplexed with the separation anxiety,more than my little one..I am excited to go back to work but somewhere inside me I have caged myself as I am going to leave my heart at home while carrying my grey matter to work everyday.

On a hot summer day in July of 2016, my 7 months extended maternity leaves got over, my son was 7 months old,had 2 molecular teeth(well if I compare the size with that of now) and started his meal with dal -chawal , I took this step(ignoring to explain with the adjective for 'this step’ because only I knew how significant it was) to quit and to take a break until he is little independent..to be with him night and day,afternoon to the next dawn until he completes first 900 days of delicate childhood.

Yes I know, monotony is boring, non multitasking is boring, stories of sentiments, and sacrifices are boring too..

I have had it enough. I have seen enough. Hypocrisy around our notion of 'feminism’, monotony of biased support system , discrimination at workplaces, overdose of motivational lines scattered here and there- I have seen them enough if not all.

So this has been a 'zero income’ period...But I gained a few learnings which were priceless.

1. Saving every penny that comes home ,adapting minimalist way of living- Which meant no online shopping for 2 years-precisely all I bought newly were 2 kurti,1 jeans,1 piece of stitched salwar suit;1 bottle of moisturizer and a pair of kajal;only emergency visits at salon,hair cut  at home;instead of experimenting with shampoos invested in 2 bottles of good hair oil- that's what more or less I invested on myself. So does that mean I was living a Sadhu ’s life? Hell NO. Instead of going for restaurant or movies, I learnt cooking across many different world cuisine, and there were cheat days when we ordered Tandoori Moorg from our second kitchen, Golkonda Chimney. Instead of buying junk jewellery around the year, I spent a few penny on  small and daily wearable gold ornaments. To save the LPG and electricity, have been learning life saving hacks for day to day life.

2. What the true investment is - I started giving more values to human relationships, I started investing time on precious things of life more than investing money to please them.  I started realising the importance of being grounded , over a period time, I realized how important the self-containment is.

2. . This phase broke me into pieces and rebuilt me with some incredible sense of responsibility. I was bringing up a human life almost alone. It took many days of sweat, many afternoon without lunch,many sleepless nights-often set with alarms every hour, loneliness that was not lucky to be explained,overwork that was beyond explanation... Sometimes I complain to myself,why I was left in this hardship without support,but then I hear the inner voice that it was to make the person I am today, a mother -bad or good.

3. Breaking the myth "Networking" - I identified the difference between the notion of 'we are friends’ and 'who truly care about you’ . I identified people who want to stay connected with you based on the your social-financial-beneficial status.  I could detach myself from the invisible string attached from my mind to the social networking. I understood the frawn and whispers will be there always, despite of your devotion or ignorance...because human beings enjoy this peculiar sense of entertainment.

3. Parenthood, that's not fancy -. In my life, nothing came easy...and especially this period taught me tough, slapped me with facts and incidence .I struggled hard, to get anything and everything done , alongside the father of my child. It made us strong..   Only we were there , when those tiny feets started walking, those little palms started drawing , those tiny face made expressions while eating , those first days in school he cried his heart out, those first sentences for which we were the compiler.        Nights we fought against the soaring temperature,; On that birthday of mine,when doctor told put that nebulizer mask on him and my child was sobbing and crying in fear; That stubborn infections refused to leave for several days and I was running from doctor to doctor for help.

             They say a mother can be the best teacher for a child..she shapes up the newborn to a complete human, like molding a soft clay into a vase.... But motherhood has taught me a few truths in life...or rather I would say, have opened few windows in my soul, that is molding the human inside me...