Little Boxes: 'they all look just the same'

If you ever have wondered the life you are leading is how you choose to be or by the choice of others- surely you have stumbled upon these points, like I do often:

• -          Why my day starts with a routine to wake up when the alarm rings, why not when I want to wake up? (Not being lazy here though )

• -          Why I feel happiest every Friday evening and yell “Weekending”, not feel happy every morning I start up with?

• -          Why the hell did I read sin,cos,tan theta and broke my head at semesters, missed world cup cricket matches, missed dance schools, missed tri-color ice-gola before exams and now they are nowhere around my life? I

• -          Why I had to maintain 80% attendance in Chemistry lab, never bunked a class to savour pocket-money biriyani, when I have forgotten the color of copper nitrate or how the carbon structure of CA(OCL)CL used to be, only remember the smell of the high school lab?

• -          Why did I never sit in college canteen and enjoyed that part of life, all I feared was how to get a job?

• -          Why I am an engineer today, where all I want is to work for Fox Traveler? Why do I worry about bug-fixes where all I want to do is to see the world before I die?

• -          Why my life have these partitions like a computer hard-disk – Family, Office, Health, Age, Grocery, Society etc ?

• -          Why like a product life-cycle, my life should be following clear defined states – was A kid, A student, A worker, A wife, A mother and then end up DYING one day ? Like the “Little Boxes” – Malvina Reynolds.

Well, there’s probably no elucidation, no straight answer to this. We shall keep on stumbling upon these tricky doubts on ourselves until we sleep well at night and wake up by the same alarm clock and feel every thing’s alright.

May be there’s only one way to find an interstellar and escape fleetingly. That is by living your life by your choice for some time. Rewarding moments of life to oneself.

• ·         Pick up a guitar and sing out loud. Who knows you can be better than a bathroom singer!
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• ·         Pack the back-pack and head up to destinations. It’s the journey that matters, not where or what you’re heading for.
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• ·         Switch off the phone and walk down the lanes of your city which you never explored. One can explore more there than social-media or search-engines.
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• ·         Forget you have Diabetes for one day and pamper yourself with a “Death-By-Chocolate”, A thousand death is worth it!
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• ·         Write down some codes on crazy ideas you have in mind for which you could never make time and be an innovator.
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• ·         Walk into a street side evening school and take voluntary class.
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• ·         Take a long-leave or quit the job for few months and go for world tour or work as free-lancer or join dance-classes or go for photography work-shops or learn a foreign language or join the academics again. We live only till 50, and after that manufacturing-defect starts showing up in human body. Time is less and wish-list is long. Possibilities are higher in numbers.
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• ·         Make a plan to meet up with old-friends , a meeting which gets postponed every time by other priorities.

May be these are not enough, to live a life king-size. May be there are thousand better ideas and opportunities which can make a life worthy of living.

Let’s search for them before we end of being “products”, with a strict discipline and guidelines for our content, labelling, manufacturing, packaging and selling identities.  Not living entities any more.

Festival Differentials | Diwali for all?

It’s Diwali again...but is it Diwali for all ?Let us look around.

A Beggar and the Giant Mall: That night, I went for dinner with my family and decided to take a walk rather taking an auto. It was quite chilled out in Bangalore, and we were walking fast as it’s almost 10.30.

I saw him again! This man I see very frequently,almost every day, near Kundalahalli Gate Signal. As the signal turns red he bumps into the cars and autos and Beg. That night, he was also returning home, his lean body was shivering in cold as his kurta was not enough to warm up his aged physique , he was  walking  slowing with a stick in one hand and that dusty bag in the other. He was in no mood for work now, so he was not following his usual route  .Rather he was walking on the footpath.  We neared him further, in front of  Hyper City Mall. The mall was boasting of its lavish Diwali discounts and decorations with artificial LED diyas. In that light I could not make out his face, but when I did, he seemed stop for a while to look at the Mall and smiled. This was not a festival smile, nor a sarcastic one. I remembered the old Cadbury Diwali special ad “Toh  iss Diwali aap kise khush karenge? “.

Diwali gifts for who works at home: In most of the offices, we get Diwali sweet boxes. Or may be Diwali Bonus. Or may be sometime gifts. We always nurture high hopes for this Diwali packages. After getting the sweet boxes, the first thing we do is to share feedbacks “hey how’s that chocolate?  Aur ye mithai taste kiya kya?./...this time this is not at all good yaar, I didn't like the soan papdi/….office wale kanjus ho gaye…last time was better!”. More than the sweet box, the enthusiasm of getting gifts or sharing the sweet and sour comments make our upcoming holidays special.

Now remove yourself from your office and put your Maid in your house which is her work place. She expects Diwali bonus, we complain. “Arey yaar this is too much, why should I give her 1 month salary as Diwali bonus, on the top of that she will be on leave on Diwali..”. She expects (some time) sarees/ good clothes/ mithayi from you, and you complain “ Bonus bhi liya, now she is expecting new saree also! I can give few ladoos but yaar not new clothes ..I told her enough is enough”.   Unfortunately she does not have an HR to go to, and she has fear to lose her holiday on Diwali as well.

Tough Sergeant  , Celebration awaits: Some people like me, who do not get much Diwali holiday, may be just one day , they plan for a day out with family or to visit relatives to celebrate the Diwali together. So afternoon we all get ready, do puja and start from home. Now we get stuck in the traffic signal and yell “ Nothing can help this city! In Diwali also this much of traffic! What the hell the Traffic sergeant is doing! Can’t he control this much traffic in holidays?”. Wait and remember.

He has not got Diwali holiday today like us! He has a family, who might be expecting him to come home early today, but he is stuck here in the middle of millions of cars who are heading for CELEBRATION! What the hell is going in his mind now? And still he is doing his job, like he did in all the past years, like all the recent festivals days in this year and may be like all the upcoming festivals!

No School, No Vacation: Near my house, there is a municipality dustbins, where all apartments dump the daily waste bags. When I go to office, I see a group of young boys, in the age group of 9 to 16, and picking up are sophisticated black-colored "eco friendly" waste bags and dumping them in the waste carriage. People around them would put hanker chief on nose and walk by.  This place will be immensely filthy especially during any festival or marriage seasons. And the localities will curse the municipality for their own waste dumps! These boys will work without a gloves or boot and without any sign of disgust on their face, for the bread they are earning for it of course.

But at the time of festivals , when our kids are getting Diwali Holidays , these kids DO NOT GO TO SCHOOL, and they have NO DIWALI HOLIDAY. Spare them if you meet them at your localities, for the unfinished work they had left overnight. May be they took a small break to steal a moment to be kids again , for firing the crackers!

Like all these stories, there are many stories around us:

The Drivers, who may behave rude but he is driving from morning shift .

The Security guards, who sits near the apartment gate with a pale face. He comes for far north-east and have not gone home for past 3 years.

The Ladies in Parlour, who are working in beauty parlour day and night to manage the festive rush. They are making your face  glow , but they have the privilege to light up a Diya in that Diwali evening, only after the shift ends.

The Construction workers around, their lean tired figure, almost covered with cement and sand, for them the festival is to get to eat and sleep peacefully at night.

And

Some IT people who has  to work from office or from home because of deadlines (LOL)

And

Many more………

Thanks to the Facebook, Watsapp, Instagram or Google+ , we all are more or less freaking out showing off how we celebrated the festivals. I see pictures coming up from Gujrat to Bengal, from Punjab to Kerala , from Germany, US, London, South Asia and almost every corner of the world. This makes us happy, this makes us jealous to ask for more, this makes us to hope that next year we all will be together to celebrate Diwali .

My pledge is - apart from this, let us do something to make the above stories a little brighter.

To put a smile into every story.

 Of course, I am NOT telling you to  SHARE A COKE BOTTLE to share the happiness. But there are many other ways we can find out.

We can burn ten candle less, if that can enlighten their Diwali evening.

 Let us be little compassionate  about their lives and their jobs. It’s their Diwali too..

Kindness is the Greatest Religion and sharing makes the Biggest Festival.

Home coming for a Daughter, Reverence for a Mother

Tomorrow is Mahalaya. At my home,tomorrow early morning baba draws Maa Durga’s eye (‘chokkhu daan’) on the yellow-golden painted idol…Maa tunes in the radio station for Birendra Krishna Bhadra's divine voice.. once upon a time me and my brother used to wake up 4.30AM half-a-sleep for Mahalaya show in DD Bangla ..but tomorrow I will wake up in the midnight to catch a flight to fly back home. 

By now some thousands of Pandals are already halfway ready, giving their finishing touch. Most TV channels have started competition of “Sera Pujo 2014” (Best Pandals in the basis of different categories -Decoration, Innovation, Environment friendliness, Power consumption, Lighting, Team work, New Thought etc).

Most of my Bengali girl friends and cousins have been chatting over WatsApp about the old but ever green topic – “Kota jama holo? Ki Saree Kinli” (How many dresses have you got? Which is the most special saree you have bought for this year Pujo?), well the guys are little boring though (LOL). Mothers are eagerly waiting for their children to come back home, literally marking the calendar dates. In the communities, big heads are discussing the Puja  Menu over the 5 days (oops this year pujo is only for 4 days). Kiddies are counting their new shoes, new cloths again and again and hoping how many they will get further when uncle come home.  The footpaths are flooded by temporary hawkers, if I close my eyes I can visualise the Gariahat Market or Esplanade , the adrenalin rush over the bargain, the surprises by pick pockets, the bagful of fragrances of new cloths, new shoes, new bags, new junk jewelries.

Durga-puja is not merely a festival in Kolkata. It’s a spirit! Or may be one can say, it's the Spirit of Kolkata.

Last year, around the same time I posted about the Idol-making process at my home. It’s quite a delighting memory to remember again and again.

 During this time of period, both me and my brother’s First Term Exam (kind of Half-yearly exam) used to get over. So we would have made our long term plan and ways to have a blast on puja. My brother used to go to Mom and demanded for plastic pistols and Paper-caps (kind of sound cracker which you can put in the pistol like cartridge). I used to go to Maa and asked her if she could manage little time so that we both can go out and buy some fancy items like Clip, matching bangles with frocks and churidar, ear-rings and rubber bands of different colors to match the dress, sequined dopattas. So my Maa’s job was to accompany me and brother in our mission and invest on demand!! Some time our demand used to vary, for example brother would ask for plastic sunglasses (Yeah, I think we’ve got few old photographs with those sunglasses) and I used to demand of an extra pink nail polish (I still remember Puja vacation used to be the only time I could enjoy applying Nail-polish, otherwise other time Nail Polish meat punishment in Prayer lines!). But this was a time in the year, where all extra demands used to get fulfilled.

Mothers are always beautiful and nice, isn’t it? I wish I can fulfill all her small and simple demands now, most of them can’t be bought by money though.

In those days we had no concept of “Pocket money”, at least at my home. But still I used to have some yearly income of 50 Rupees. Most of them used to come from our grandparents and from baba who unlike other times, used to give 20 Rupees to all of our cousins after we’d tough elder’s feet on Dussera. It was a family custom and wickedly a source of income for me as well J.

For 5 days of puja (Stating from 6^th day to 10th day Dussera), all of our siblings and cousins used to follow preplanned dresses. Sasti morning, Sasti evening, Saptami morning …till Dussera morning.

It may surprise you, during that time although our father used to buy 2 clothes for each of us, but as it’s a custom to give and exchange new dresses to close relatives, we ended up having 8 to 10 dresses. Durgastami or the 8^th day of the puja is the most important for us, so best dresses used to be kept for that day.Especially for Astami Pushpanjali.

 During those 5 days, the rooms , the veranda and stair cases gets filled by the fragrance of Dhoop and Camphor. The fragrance of the puja used to stay alive at our home for next one month after dussera.

My city Kolkata, a city which I had left some 6 years back and watching over the rise and fall like a spectator from far.

A city which I blame for leaving home, as like me thousands of fresh young faces leaving their root, their old parents , their saddened mother due to lack of good work, lack of facilities, turtle slow development, flooded footpath with “bekar” we name them “jobless”, Game of Thrones over Writer’s Building , students bleeding and fighting for their rights, Kolkata a city of “Bandh – be it Taxi, Bus, All Party, Red Party, Green Party, Yellow/Blue /Purple Party”, the city of Joy is corroding to a city of frustration, anger, senselessly aggressive Lathi-charge and Yet the Hope.

But at the same time, it’s a city where I have grown up. My childhood, education, my first paycheck, my first bi-cycle, my first awakened dream, my first Park-Street excursion in New year as a kid or my first Hard-rock Cafe .

Have been so many places around India, but nobody can beat the simplicity of Kolkata! Be it the simple Jhal-muri ( a simpler version of Bhel puri), be it a simple “Bumba da r movie with 2-3 dream sequence and 1 action packed climax scene”, be it the daily commuters in local trains who plays card even while standing or the hawkers who still sell the 5 Rupees handkerchiefs.

So this post is all about the Fall of Autumn festival, its aroma and glory. A crack of dawn tomorrow will enlighten the sky of City of Joy with the spirit of “Durga Pujo”.

The amusement around this season, the merriment to get together again, the feeling of fulfilment sitting in the cane chair on your balcony and watching over the arrival of Idol in Para-Pandal  and the home coming of millions of Bengali – nothing the match the power of this spirit.

May the Holy Spirit of the Mother bless the city and give it the spirit to fight back and rise up again, in the darkest hours!

Bon voyage with Friend(s on a )Ship called life

To start with history: Wiki page says that Friendship Day was originally promoted by Joyce Hall, the founder of Hallmark Card in 1930 with the intention of promoting the greetings card sharing on the occasion of this day! Bingo!

So the very beginning of marking a day as dedicated to friend was purely a marketing strategy, taking little advantage of human emotion in making and sustaining friends, nothing else.

Many people ask do we really need a special day to celebrate friendship with our friends. Well I feel, it is your choice. You make it special or you don’t, end of the day your friends will remain your friends and your present enemies can be your future friends and your future friend will join you somewhere in your upcoming lifeline.

In this age of Watsapp, Facebook, Skype and other so called social networking sites, we have 250 friends in Facebook, 100 contacts is Watsapp chat, 10 groups from your college/school/university/workplace etc. However have you ever asked this question which I often ask myself?

·         If this is 11 O’clock in midnight, you had a bad day or you are in bad mood or you are messed up. You can’t speak with your parents as they must be sleeping, you can’t dial your cousins as they will ask lots of explanation and you don’t want to talk about this. So you need somebody whom you can dial and talk for hours, nothing but gibberish, to feel little better.

                          How many people you can actually call at that point of time for whom who don’t need to think what can be the topic?

 Well I see if for one day I am in this situation and at the same time I have no internet connectivity- so no chat service, I can dial only a few numbers from my phone. These are the people whom I do not say ‘hi’ everyday online, still whenever I need them I can send messages or call or just thinking about the time I spent with them brings a piece of smile on my face.

So the definition of friendship is different for different friends. All are special in their own space. All deserves a hug and smile.

I can touch my childhood when I spend time with my school friends. I am allowed to feel or behave like ‘still an innocent child’ with them. When we sit in a coffee shop or a restaurant, waiters will look at us with a shock of lifetime. We laugh out loud, crack jokes on ourselves, and remember our strict Sanskrit teacher or beautiful English teacher or the day we stood on the bench when whole class was unable to answer the History question. These things do not embarrass me when I am with them. As we have seen each other in our ugliest days when we lost our first baby tooth, and crying faces when the class teacher scolded the class for making noise in last period, and humiliating days when I failed to write correct spelling of Ramayana on the black board. We have had time like when we lost connection with each other as after school neither any of us had social networking sites to get connected nor we had the mobile phones. But still we feel most comfortable with each other at any moment. We got different jobs, we stay in different cities, we work in different shifts. But nothing can change the constant celebration of our friendship.

Then here come the college friends. College life is at such a juncture of life where you are yet to be completely out of your childhood minimalisms and yet a complicated adolescent is waiting for you. In 8 semesters, we made friends, we had been ragged by seniors and have ragged the juniors, have done group studies together, have bunked classes, have taken and shared notes before exams, have queued at the Xerox machine to take multiple copies for ourselves and friends, have shared the tiffin, had crush and affection on some of them, had suppressed competition with few others, had waited over University-website on the day of semester results, had nurtured high hopes to shine in life someday and had said good bye to many after we had done with final year. It was an incredible journey from a naïve science student to an engineering student, then a bunch of people whom had great time in those 4 years - seeing them getting placed in different companies and finally spreading across different cities of India. My amazing group of kitty party-most of them is connected virtually but still they are the best gift I have got from college. Now most of us are married, and most of us are in same occupation. So we share recipes and resumes, secrets and gossips, style and smile!

Then we have friends from work - places. Well it is pretty much dynamic as you keep on changing employer. We spend almost 8 to 9 hours a day in office and may be more than we spend with anybody in our life. So possibly this timing statistics makes friends and what we call ‘network’ in corporate terms. You will have very few handfuls of friends here who will support you in your toughest day at work and fewer of them who will be very happy on your success. So they will always remain special.

Apart from these 3 sources, we do meet people , we do greet people, we do make friends. There are a large number of known faces, who appreciates when we do something nice, who criticizes if we make mistakes, who call you suddenly one day just to say ‘how are you?’ and we feel so warm, who wishes luck for ventures. I remember all of them when I utter the word ‘friend’.

I was watching a documentary that day. A person was saying, “Being loved by somebody gives us the feeling of safety. In ancient times, when a community used to rebuke a person out of tribe, his safety used to be at stake. And we inherit the same feeling till now. So when somebody makes us their friend or shows us that they care for us, we feel safe. We feel comfortable”. What could have been a better description of the word friendship than this?

Happy Friendship Day to all the friends whom I care for.

The Myth they name it “Woman Empowerment in India”

First let me tell few stories here.

• This guy works in a reputed MNC. He is 32 , looking for a bride. We have few common friends, one day we were sitting in CCD and pulling his leg about his matrimony hunt. He said “ I just want a simple girl yaar, educated, homely, religious, caring and most importantly not working in IT like you! I have seen all you IT girls, can’t see one like you at home as well. Either school teacher or just stay at home”.

• One day the maid at my mom’s place reached late. She started dusting and cleaning but she was awfully quiet that day. We asked her ‘what happened Meera?’; she started managing her running nose then ended up in tears. She got married with this cobbler 8 years back, now they have 2 daughters and one young son. She works in 12 houses in our apartment; whatever she earns she buys food-ration and sends her daughters to school. The elder daughter wakes up after her mom leaves, makes boiled rice and potato for father and her siblings, goes to school and finishes house-hold chores in the evening. Meera broke into tears describing how her husband demanded mutton curry and rice last night after returning home drunk. Then he threw them out of house and cursed them for his ‘lifetime agony’.

• That day I was following the Union Budget highlights, first budget of Modi Sarkar after winning election. Finance Minister lamented apathy towards statistics of the girl-child education in India, announced 100 Crore for “Beti Padao, Beti Badao  Yojna”. After 2 weeks, I was shocked by the news headlines in Bangalore TOI. 6 years old student got raped in school premises during school hour, the school is at walking distance from my home, and one of the reputed schools in this area. It’s been 14 days, the suspects are yet to be arrested.

I could have brought up more stories here. But I don’t find it necessary as shamefully these stories are being published, read and discussed over tea somewhere, someplace else.

Is it a myth or truth that Women in India are really getting empowered?

My male friend is still in search of the ‘homely sweet bride’; of course he can’t take ‘another IT woman like you girls’ back home. She will be equally technically eloquent, may be earning same or sometimes more salary than him, will be managing few male employees under her or will be competing shoulder to shoulder with some of her contemporaries. How can he expose the well-suppressed ‘inferiority’ in domestic life, how can he be a part of this EMPOWERMENT!

In my native, Kolkata, if you have travelled in local trains, the vendor and ladies compartments will be overflowing with thousands of Meera. They leave home, work for their daily wedges, come back home, get beaten up by husbands every night and carry the mark as stamp of security throughout life. They don’t have permanent address, they don’t have protected shelter. So this domestic violence is a part of their EMPOWERMENT.

There is a huge difference how a boy and girl are brought up. Education, ethics, mental development, co-curriculum activities- these all are common for a boy or girl. But essentially a parent need to educate a girl (I don’t know from which age, I see news like 2 years kid gets raped !) how to keep herself safe. So when a girl leaves the womb of her mother and breathes in the air, she needs to know “Beti, this world is not a fairy kingdom, here monsters are not essentially coming with big teeth and red eyes. You need to keep an eye around you all the time, because anytime a monster can break the wall of your castle and take you away to jungle.”. And unfortunately some time the story gets modified a little bit “ Beti, don’t tell anyone that the monster came and what he did with you. It will be alright. The pain will be gone. The tears will dry. The fairy kingdom will be all right once again. But ssshhh don’t tell anyone!!!!”

In spite of all these,Women in India are empowering themselves. Entrepreneur, teacher, astronaut, doctor, Engineer, autorickshaw- driver, bus-conductor, traffic police, film-director, author, Olympic winner athletes, Mechanic (yes, if you go to Decathlon you will see girls repairing bi-cycle parts), CEO and Managers. The list is endless. The statistics are enviable. But in basic grass-root level, I still see the RESPECT FOR WOMAN is disgraceful and disheartening.

She was also a woman who carried you for 9 months and did bear the pain while bringing you up.Please give respect to women, if you can’t empower them at least do not snatch away the respect and power she deserves or owns.

Lifeline in BMTC

For last couple of year my family, friends have been insisting that it’s a high time to buy a car. With the emergent traffic signals and dwindling patience I always end up deciding -whether I travel by BMW or BMTC, my 4 kilometre travel from home to office is always going to take 1 hour. So no point of investing in commutation luxury!

Keeping this dissatisfaction on Bangalore roads, booming real-estate and numbers of Tech-parks in Bangalore, easy car-loans making every traffic signal uneasy and a bunch of civilised people who never believe in ideas like car-pooling rather relax and wait in a XUV500 or bigger cars lined up in pathetic Graphite India Signal blocking bikers and autos to wait with him….well let me think about my mixed-bag experiences over last 4 years in BMTC.

“Aiidu rupees change illa? !! ? “

Well the most wanted currency in BMTC is a Five Rupee coin. If you don’t have it, the conductor will give you a look like you are worse than a beggar, uglier than an earthworm and do not deserve to ride in a BMTC Vajra bus.

First time you say “illa” he will take a sneak peek into your moneybag. If you were just telling lie without searching much in your bag, you will be proved as stupid right away.

In case his quick investigation into your purse went in vain, he will ask explanations why nobody carries ‘changes’ while travelling!

The crisis reaches to its peak when neither you or the conductor has change for five and you are among the three four people who will get down at the last stop. At the last stop, the conductor with hand you over 10 RS currency and will ask you to adjust it with another passenger who is also in the same queue.

“Will get down in Next stop”

This crowd of ladies likes to stand in front of the front gate, jostle among themselves to adjust some space, ignore the yelling conductor “oalagade hogi” (to go inside the bus)  to make some space. I always keep on listening “will get down at next stop”, but next stop will come after five six stoppage.

Like the nerve and tenacity of these front runner. Cheers ladies!

“Working from Bus- WFB”

Unlike the spirits who flee away once out of the bottle (read office cubicles), there are people who connect wireless dongle and work from bus- NO OFFENCE MEANT, this is my salute to them. I put a headphone and listen to “Sadda Haq aethe rakh” after 7pm, while they regularly give me inferiority complex by their dedication. By the time the Kundalahalli Gate traffic signal opens for the bus, which normally takes 20 minutes average, these gentlemen and ladies will talk over the phone asking for the status, reply to mails, connect to VPN and finish the last minute work.

Keep me inspiring folks!

“Mobile pigeons”

In my time (well I know I am sounding like a women in 60 remembering ‘my good old days’), there was no chat services over the phone. I remember typing frequent sms and telephone conversations which are pretty uncool now. In this age of micro-messaging, fingers type faster than mind & Watsapp connects people faster than “hello how are you?”. If 10 people are standing around me in a bus, at least 8 of them will not look up from the mobiles and rest of the 2 will be watching over how good the other dude is playing temple-run.

“Music: Ninnindale ninnindale kanasondu shuruvaagide”

Whenever I am not carrying my ipod, I pray inside may the driver prove himself a mighty good RJ. He is the one entertaining us apart from his driving curriculum.

Some drivers keep remarkable playlists. A series of A.R.Rehman hits (in Hindi/Tamil), SRK 90’s movie songs, recent Bollywood songs, udit Narayan songs. Well I know my North Indian friends reading this will yell at me ‘enough of optimism, truth is mostly they play Kannada’. True, that’s the regional language, so that is most welcome.   

The song I mentioned above is my favorite, though I am totally naive in Kannada song but the amazing voice of Sonu Nigam humming this song makes the morning better.

Confession - When they play numbers from pre- 80’s or 80’s, it makes it complicated for me. Then my headphones are my best friend J

“Incredible India lives in a Bangalore Metropolitan Transport Corporation“

At any second you spend in a BMTC, you will find a composed collage of India. There will be a Bengali girl sitting near the back gate, wearing Red and White bangle- that’s me! The guy next to me is talking over the phone in Tamil. The Sardar ji is waiting for the next stop to come near the gate. The two girls sitting behind me are constantly jiggling and pulling each other’s leg in Hindi, they are from UP. The conductor is yelling “Ticket Kudi” in Kannada, the lady fighting with him is wearing Jasmine on her plait is either Karnatika or telegu.The bunch of boys sitting in the last row are surely fresher, talking about the induction program and projects. They are from Bhilai, MP.

Incredible India is right here right now with you in this Bus Ride!

“The hearty Bangalorians, take a bow”

There are a huge number of co-passengers who commute every day in BMTC and everyday fight the same battle of nerve with enduring traffic issues, but still they will make sure you are not uncomfortable. They will ask you if you can hold the baby in case you are standing for long time. I have seen people who even helped a lady to feed her little daughter, as the mother was already carrying her office laptop bag and the pre-school stuffs of the kid. Good Samaritans are there who leave their hard-earned seats to pregnant women and old ladies.

One day while returning home, I was sitting beside a man in his late 20’s. A man got into the over crowded bus with his 1 years son. The son was nagging for a seat. The man next to me called the man and asked him politely if his son can share his seat. The kid then sat in between us. To keep the impatient kid little busy, he started showing him games installed in his mobiles. And next 1 hour the kid was all happy and cheering with excitement every time the demon ate the temple-runner.

We commute by BMTC; every red signal jeopardizes our precious times; every fight with conductor once in a month makes us feel disgusting.

But still, the day I will start driving to my office, I will miss these implausible experiences during my joy rides. 

Long Live BMTC!

ME time is THE time

So, I am writing again….may be after 3 months or so ? And at this moment I amfeeling the most enthusiastic person in the world.

And just like this, whatever we feel Enthusiastic or Happy or Content or Thrilled about doing, we keep on postponing them, thinking ‘Ok, maybe when I get a little me time’.

‘Me time’ is ‘THE’ time dear- I keep on telling myself. But in the S-D-L-C or Simple-Domestic-Life-Cycle, other momentary priorities keeps on pushing back those most wanted perfect times of life.

‘weekdays are hurried, may be next weekend leisurely afternoon’, ‘not afternoon, weekend afternoons are too much hectic’, ’not tonight I have a guest coming for dinner’, ‘after the deadlines, may be mid-release breaks?’ ,’shit! First I have to clean the mess in kitchen’….and to be continued!

Now some time S-D-L-C follows complex spiral model and me time gets moved out totally.

 I grew up, I am growing old. And one night find out that I used to collect coins in that small tin box, where’s that green painted tin box gone? Or my harmonium, I still feel the wooden smell on its coven- the hushing sound of its bellows-velvety touch on the keys.  I had played it for 12 years and now I sing only in kitchen or in bathroom may be? Or, find out the 7 years of diary filled with thousands of short poems I used to write in college. I used to be very protective about that small diary and it’d always be kept under my mattress. One day I became Software Engineer and my Soft-corner for this diary fainted out gradually.

All that used be best companions of time, have disappeared or may have hidden somewhere abandoned for long.

We are rushing for an unforeseen happiness coming in our way and investing day and night over to achieve that. If we evaluate this happiness in terms of possessions may be it figures out a high-salaried job,  a small apartment, a big car, children to play in the living room, retirement plans after 60 etc.

 When I will be 65 (if I live that long)  I won’t be having the morning rush to reach office, deadlines to finish, appraisal to be evaluated, sitting in a big living room may be, children gone to work and lots of ‘ME TIME’ for which I have been waiting for years. 

But what if the ‘me time’ treasures would disappear by then, if I forget to write down my thoughts in words? If I forget to click photographs due to lack of practice? If still regret for loosing that coin-collection box as I do now, like all the small boxes unfolding pure pleasure of life, what for I live until I die ?

Achievements are essentials. But probably loving ourselves are necessities.

A take on Women's Day:do we need a special day to be "Happy"?

“Women’s day“ celebration is ON once again, so  “Happy Women’s Day” wish flooding in Facebook, emails, messages.

So why does a woman need to be essentially happy or to feel happy on this Day?

 As I am growing up (or growing old rather) and maturing up from a girl to a lady to a woman now- this question strikes me every year on the same day! When I see around, lots of images come to my mind. I have not travelled much around the world, so better I find my answer and say trivial facts about this country’s AAM KANYAs first!

• "Oh she's got a girl child again!"

I was the first child of my parents and they were immensely proud of me. My grandfather named me after Goddess Durga. I still remember he was 96 years old when I met him last time, I was leaving home for my new posting in Bangalore. He embraced me as usual and told me in my ears “ Be Good, be Happy!”.

When I grew up, one day my mother told me a story about an old lady who used to stay in our next apartment. When my mother was carrying my unborn brother, she went to this lady’s house for baby-shower (a blessing ceremony on 9^th month of pregnancy). She said to my mother very sweetly “Now you have a girl, the next child you give birth must be a beautiful boy”. So here starts the journey of a girl who is not “always welcome” if she gives birth to multiple girls!

• "Fight the society, because it's not always men who cut the wings"

My parents have always considered me same as my brother, rather I was the elder brother for my brother. And still I am their elder child, not girl or boy. I feel blessed that my father has taught me not to think myself as a girl, rather as a human being and allowed me to dream whatever I want to do in my life. He asks me before taking major decisions in the family. My husband, who is a wonderful human being have always inspired me to fly like a bird. If I feel tired, I know I can rest in his shelter. Both of these men of my life do not feel ashamed in case they have to do dusting and cleaning at home for one-day if the lady in the house is not well. And they don’t have problem either if I stay late in office finishing my deadlines, because they do have the same responsibilities in work front. I am so much pampered by these two man, I have no hard feeling about any MAN in this world!

GIRLS: If WE ARE FIGHTING A BATTLE TO HOLD A STRONG GROUND HERE, IT IS NOT AGAINST MEN. Rather it is against the SOCIETY WE LIVE IN.

Only we can bring changes in our society’s though process.

We always read in newspaper about the female feticide in Punjab, Haryana, UP, Rajasthan and many other states where this trend is chronic. We blame the parents, the society, the police, hospitals, brokers etc etc and sit down in couch thinking what will happen to this country. But WHY a girl fetus is so much of a burden to carry and give birth for those mothers? Because in a major part of Indian ‘civilization’, women are considered as COMMODITY or package!

• "If you look fair & lovely, half the battle is won!!" 

Have you seen the advertisements in matrimony websites or newspaper? It always comes up with feature specification: “Beautiful, slim, fair, graduate, homely, excelled in house-hold work, caring and adjustable with family etc etc etc”.( I am keeping aside the cast and age for a minute). So a ‘desirable’ woman should come as a SMART Television with all dashing features and latest technologies in it!

I mean if a woman is well-educated, does she essentially need to be good in house-hold work? She must have spent the same amount of time and energy to get educated, may be to get a good job and to establish herself and her family like the boy has done until he is 27! If he can’t prepare anything else than 2-minues noodle, why does he expect that she should excel in the ‘art of cooking’ (oh yes, in 80% of the houses man boasts of the fact how well his wife cooks!!)? I see nowadays wherever I go, old-aged ladies will ask first- What do you cook at home(Answer: …yeah..aunty …normal stuffs)? What time you come back from office (Answer:…mmm..not fixed aunty..sometime late)?  Can you wear saree yourself now (Answer: somehow I manage…but when is the time to wear it aunty?)? And then tremendously upset by my unwitting replies, they will turn to my husband and try to make out whether I feed him nicely.

On the other hand, this beautiful faces coming in “FAIR AND LOVELY” ads. If you are fair, if your skin is glowing like ‘photoshop’ed tube-lights, it means you will get all good things in life. If you can’t sing well-wait! it will give you CONFIDENCE. If boys are not looking at you, that means your life is over- Wait! it will give you fairy look and yes, CONFIDENCE! If your parents are forcing you for early marriage- wait! It will make you beautiful and you can fight back saying you’ve got a career!!  PERIOD.

GIRLS: OUR LIFE does not / should not GO AROUND the kitchen or Beauty creams. It’s only and only us who can bring some other dimension to it. LIVE YOUR DREAM, not what society wants from you!

• "Man, you got a spine at your back"

On the top of that our so called Indian ‘culture’ bears the scar mark named as “Dowry”. 2012 statistics said 91,202 dowry deaths officially reported in 10 years; never know how many were inhibited. It’s absurd that a ‘MAN’ who calls himself a ‘MAN’ physically, mentally and biologically is ready enough to marry a girl but does not have the GUTT to marry only that girl as a life -partner not as a commodity. In return he is asking for Land, House, Car, Kilos of Gold, Bike and then humorously common household stuffs like TV, Refrigerator, Washing Machine etc etc! I mean, if you can’t buy these stuffs yourself, you can’t ask for these luxuries BY THE INVESTMENT YOU MAKE CALLED MARRIAGE.

GUYS: ONLY 3 WORDS WE LIKE (not I LOVE YOU)- (but) BE A MAN.

• Super women

I see nowadays in comedy series in television channels (read Comedy Nights with Kapil), even movies as well.. Wives are ‘villains’. They snatch the independence from the poor husbands, keeps fighting like ‘Bandit Queens’ and makes their life like jail.

I have a different story to tell. In this 21^st Century I see lot of ladies around me who wake up early in the morning; make breakfast and lunch for family; prepare kids for school; prepares herself for office: work 10 hours a day; they are the treasures to their respective workplaces; they talk well - present well- write well- lead well- work extraordinary well; then they are back home at 8p.m ; help kiddos with their homework; cook dinner and still connected to the society-friends-parents-in laws- relatives. When after juggling between this daily hectic schedules and roles (A mother-A wife- A daughter- A sister- A friend- A daughter-in-law-A worker), a lady ask for some space out of her husband’s ‘independence & carefree life’ does it give a LADY LADEN impression out of US?

GIRLS: DON’T WE THINK WE ARE SUPER(WO)MAN ?

Enough said! I am taking a break to be a HAPPY WOMAN for rest of my DAY.

But when you wish a woman “Happy Women’s Day”, make sure that woman is essentially happy. Do whatever you can bring to her life to make her HAPPY. So that every other day, it’s a Woman’s Day!!

Free Advice is Injurious to Health

Irony is that everyone knows this, still keep on spreading the virus of free advice.

• It starts as soon as you get ahead of your academics in school and thinking what to do next.There will be 10 aunties and 5 uncles and 2 neighbors left and right of your house starts poking their long, tall noses around your goals. Their advice is susceptible to “Market Risk” and your parents will advise you to “read the document carefully” before you make your mind. But in 80% time we hardly make our minds , rather take up a stream where money come easily in 4 years (read Engineering) or get goofed up totally and collect forms from all reputed college, to wait a little where you get summoned for Bachelor in A-B-C-D .

• ·         Then just after you pass your last semester and thinking to join (you may have multiple offers in hand) X-Y-Z multinationals, your Kittu Aunty suddenly remembers your innocent beautiful face. She calls your mother and say “You know I get so many proposals for your daughter, even one guy is from USA! His mother wants to meet us. Now that your daughter has completed her Graduation………” . And the record continues.

• ·         Now after 4 years, you work in a reputed MNC and already changed your job twice. You are leaving  ‘alone’ in a 1BHK, visit your native twice a year, shop for yourself, in weekend go out with your friends, you pay the house- rent, you pay the electricity bill on time, pay tax for Govt. Of India and at the end of the day you take a very good care of yourself. You are 28 and you smell young, you feel young, you dream young. Still, people thinks just the opposite “Oh You are 28, if not getting married now then when???”, “She looks a little dark, may be because of that not getting good alliance”, “she is gaining weight, after this too tough to get a nice ‘rishta’ for her”,”Beta, understand now, in our times, at 28 I had 3 kids, see you..!!”,”Do you have boyfriend?” etc etc. I mean the questions are endless. Your independence becomes the hot-topic , until some other girl like you replaces you. You can’t breathe in a fresh air where there is no matrimony fragrance. Nobody cares you are successful, but everybody cares that you are “helplessly alone” and about the chances that nobody will marry you.

• ·         Now you are married. People give you break for first couple of months with the extravagant question “How is your married life?”. Once you spend 6-7 months, again those of excited friends or friends of friends, curious colleagues  ,meddlesome relatives, will appear in your life-cycle. It starts with a gentle hint “Now you guys should settle down gradually”, then after a period of time it gets exaggerated. Whenever you meet, they will ask you to invest in properties, to change  your job, to buy a car now, enough of travelling in bus, organize your expenses and so on. It ends up with family planning as well. Your Kittu Aunty is back again over the phone calls and will not ask “when are you planning” ,this time she rather asks ” Why you have not planned till now!!”

I mean, give me a break!!

Why can’t we all concentrate in our own lives and try to make it better. And if still we have spare time out of it, can’t we do something good to others, rather staling others’ lives by giving free advice? How can my neighbor realizes what do I want in my life? How can my Kittu Aunty tell me when to buy a house if I AM earning the piece of bread for myself, not she is? How can somebody tell me what is my destiny if they are not walking with me every day? How can X-Y-Z people advise me how to pursue my dreams when that person has no knowledge or perception about that?

Everybody has his/her own dreams which that person sees with open eyes. Everybody lives his/has life, which is owed only to his/her parents for bringing to this world, but not to anybody else. 

I would say just love your life, love your dream, love the way you are, love the way you fail and again you rise up to success,love the way you are thinking of yourself, pay attention to what do your heart says more than what the person next to you thinks about you.

Statutory Warning: Free advice is injurious to health.  Stay away from this. Stop donating this.